Wetware · datasheet CoverWhy nowThe coinSupplyMoneyLaunchWhoNext

Wetware

The original neural net. 86 billion parameters. Runs on sandwiches.

Unit
Human nervous systemHardware, software, wetware.
Parameters
~86,000,000,000 neurons
Power draw
About 20 watts
Downtime
8 hours a day, non-negotiable
Known faults
Hallucinates. Forgets. Gets bored.
Notable output
Every joke the models were trained on

Eight slides covering what it is, how the money works, how the launch is protected and what can go wrong. Nothing here is a promise or financial advice.

01 / 08
Why now

The internet stopped being written by people.

51%
of web traffic is bots
~64%
of X accounts likely automated
54%
of LinkedIn long-form is machine-written
165M
agent-to-agent payments by April 2026

Everyone is now building ways to prove you're a person. Verification badges, personhood protocols, biometric orbs. Your dating app asks for it. Meanwhile, here is what all of it did to you.

Plate ICortex · 2026 revision
1 2 3 Prompt-writing cortex up 400% since 2023 Still makes the jokes models train on this bit Mental arithmetic unused since 2019
Fig. 1 — Sense of humour fully intact. Has forgotten its own postcode.
Plate IIWetware vs. inference
Tokens per secondnot close
Remembering your passwordembarrassing
Working without sleeplost
Knowing when it's wrongwon
Being funny on purposewon
Tasting soupwon
InferenceWetware
Fig. 2 — Wins everything that requires having a body.
02 / 08
What it is

It's a joke about being a meat computer.

Wetware is an old cyberpunk word for the human brain treated as computing hardware. Hardware, software, wetware. There's nothing to deliver and nothing to overpromise. You're just picking a side.

Name and ticker
Wetware · $WETWARE$WET already belongs to HumidiFi.
Chain
SolanaFees are a fraction of a penny, so a £20 buy makes sense. On Ethereum it wouldn't.
Supply
200,000,000, fixedMinting is switched off at launch. This number can never go up.
Launch
Meteora bonding curve, then a locked poolThe only setup that allows a custom supply and real sniper protection.
Presale
None. Nobody handles anyone else's money at any point.

Why a tribe beats a mascot

SPX6900 calls itself a movement coin. The value sits in a shared story that holders can keep repeating when the chart is red. Animal pictures run out of material.

The tenets

1. Nothing here is generated. If it's rubbish, a human made it badly on purpose.
2. Everything on-chain is checkable.
3. Fees buy back and burn, forever.
4. Touch grass, then post about it.

03 / 08
Supply

200,000,000. Fixed forever.

Public 60%Liquidity 12% Founder 25%Treasury 3%
AllocationTokens%Lock
Public, on the curveNo whitelist, no presale120,000,00060%None
LiquiditySeeds the pool24,000,00012%Permanent
FounderNothing at launch50,000,00025%~68,400/day, 24mo
TreasuryMultisig, public schedule6,000,0003%3mo, then 12mo
Bought by the team at launchNo bundle, no dev buy00%n/a

What you can do

Tokens you buy have no lock, no cooldown, no wallet cap and no sell tax. Buy and sell in the same minute if you want. The fee is about 1% either way.

What the founder can do

The 25% sits in Jupiter's Locker contract and trickles out at roughly 68,400 a day for two years. The contract has no early-release button in it. Hyperliquid's team holds 23.8% on a similar arrangement.

04 / 08
The money

The money comes from trading fees.

In most meme coins the only money in the system is whatever the last buyer put in, so it needs new buyers forever. This one takes a cut of the trading.

someone trades │ └─▸ about 1% fee, paid in SOL │ ├─▸ 50% → buy back and burn · supply drops, hash posted weekly │ └─▸ 50% → treasury · bounties, events, running costs

Where it comes from

Meteora keeps 20% of each fee. The other 80% goes to the project, in SOL, and keeps coming in on liquidity that is locked forever. Collecting it never involves selling a token.

Tested on devnet: four trades produced 0.0901 SOL, claimed straight to the wallet.

Three rules

1. Every burn posts its transaction hash.

2. The treasury never sells WETWARE. It receives SOL and buys.

3. The numbers get posted weekly even when they're bad. Especially then.

Worth saying plainly: most tokens do no volume at all, and fewer than 2% of pump.fun tokens ever finish their curve. This whole thing pays out in proportion to how much people trade it, and nothing otherwise.

05 / 08
The launch

Snipers get nothing.

Bots watch for new pools and buy everything in the first block, then sell it back to the first real buyers. Five things stacked together make going first pointless.

01
The fee starts at 99%

Buying in the first seconds costs almost everything. It falls to 1% over a window that is random between 90 and 180 seconds, and the length is locked in with a published hash beforehand so nobody can time it.

02
Measured on a real pool

Same 0.2 SOL buy: 56.8% fee at 40 seconds, 43.9% at 60 seconds, 0.81% after the window. Waiting got 3.4x more tokens for the same money.

03
Nobody on the team buys

No bundle, no first buy, no seed wallets. Bundled supply reads 0% where under 5% counts as normal, and anyone can check it.

04
Liquidity is locked for good

It cannot be pulled. The pool still earns fees while locked, which is what pays for everything.

05
Minting is switched off at launch

Done in the same transaction that creates the pool, so there is no gap. The name and picture are frozen too.

Every bot that tries anyway pays up to 99% for the privilege, and that money goes straight into the buyback.
06 / 08
Who built it

Built by a quant who publishes on this.

Most meme coins launch on default settings and hope. This one was designed by a quant whose published research is on crypto market microstructure and order-book modelling, which is the field that decides whether a launch survives its first block.

  • Peer-reviewed research — crypto market microstructure, order-book modelling, advanced probability theory
  • MSc Computer Science — University of Oxford
  • MSc Financial Engineering
  • MBA — London Business School
  • Quantitative finance and high-frequency trading — a career building systems that race for fills in microseconds

Why it's relevant

Sniping is a speed race. Curve design is a pricing problem. Setting fees against traders who know more than you is the same maths that decides whether a market maker survives. The protections here came out of that work, and it shows in small details that a copied template gets wrong.

Why it isn't enough

No paper predicts whether a meme catches on. That comes down to attention, timing and luck, none of which are on a CV. Careful design closes off ways to get robbed. It has no effect at all on whether anyone shows up. The mechanics are worth checking. The outcome is out of everyone's hands.

Every project wallet is published before launch and the founder's tokens are locked on-chain with a public link. Locked tokens are the only guarantee here that's worth anything.

07 / 08
What happens next

What happens, in the order it happens.

Dates on a meme coin roadmap are invented, since nobody controls when attention shows up. These are in the order they unlock each other.

00
Groundwork

Mechanics designed and published, tooling built, brand released to the public domain, full rehearsal run on a test network, founder tokens locked before any announcement.

01
Launch

Curve opens, minting switched off in the same transaction, address posted everywhere at once, checking tools linked straight away.

02
Graduation

Curve fills, liquidity moves across and locks. Live on Jupiter, which means every Solana exchange and wallet at once. CoinGecko listing. First burn, hash posted.

03
Building

Weekly burns, good weeks and bad. CoinMarketCap. A public treasury page showing what came in, what got burned, what got spent. Stickers, then a meetup.

04
Sticking around

Ship something that gives holding a point. Let holders vote on treasury spending. Exchange listings only if exchanges come asking. No listing fees, ever.

The risk, plainly. WETWARE is a meme coin. It has no intrinsic value and no expected return. It is not an investment, not a security and not a business. There are no promises about price, listings, partnerships or future work. Most meme coins go to zero and this one might too. The design closes off specific ways to get robbed, like rug pulls, hidden minting and insider bundles. Whether anyone wants the token is a separate question entirely. Nothing here is financial, legal or tax advice. Never risk money you can't afford to lose.
08 / 08